Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Luck Be a Lady to Knight: A View of Women in Western Lit

The Renaissance is a period of about 250 years in Western Civilization that marks the end of what we call the Middle Ages. It is the era of European culture that saw the death of feudalism and the growth of nationalism. It witnessed the end of the unilateral power of the church and the beginning of the modern nation-state. And yet is was a "rebirth" in several important ways: First, it was the rebirth of classic Greek and Roman ideas. The rediscovery of ancient texts (and the growth in literacy) fueled the Renaissance thinkers. Second, it was the rebirth of interest in the physical world; while Medieval Europeans were largely concerned with the afterlife, Renaissance thinkers turned their attention to the way the world and nature functioned. This, in turn, gave rise to a third rebirth in interest in the sciences and humanities, which lead to drastic technological advances and geographic discoveries. The broadening of the Renaissance man's world--indeed, the shifting focus away from God to man--is perhaps the single most significant "rebirth," placing man at the center of his own universe.

Europe during the Renaissance was still, then, a "man's world;" as we look at our next frame story, Boccaccio's Tale of the Falcon, we are reminded of themes brought up by Chaucer, and must also be conscious that we are still looking at a view of women through the eyes of men. To give some background on the importance of Boccaccio's work: he set out to authentically represent the Renaissance confidence in human ability and delight in the diversity of human experience. His overriding theme asserts throughout his hundred tales that a truly noble individual must accept the consequences of his actions and confine his desire to what is humanly possible. In that, though, he insists that what is humanly possible is a usually a great deal, and that we can often overcome our fortune or learn to exploit it.

Boccaccio is quite sympathetic and understanding towards human aspirations and emotions. He creates a "hero," Federigo, who is sympathetic and who we can relate to. But what about the woman in the tale, Mona; although we can maybe relate to her paternal motivations, is she sympathetic? Do we pity her? Despite her desire to save her son, do we approve of her methods of obtaining the falcon? What is being said about Renaissance women here?

It seems that there are, at least, two ways we can read the women we've encountered in the the literature we've covered thus far: they are either getting a bad rap, or they are being (somewhat) accurately portrayed. Let's look at the roster:

  • Jocasta. She was actually a pretty good mom to her husband, Oedipus, once she found out that he was her son. Ignore the fact that she sent her infant son to die in the wilderness based on a prophecy; that's how the Greek's rolled. You don't mess with the prophecies. You do what you have to do, or risk the wrath of the gods. 

  • Helen (of Sparta). Okay, no way to spin this one positively; she single-handedly led to the 10-year conflict, the Trojan War. But she did it for love (right?). Ignore the fact that she was married at the time; that's how the Greek's rolled. You don't mess with the will of the gods, or...  well, you get the picture.

  • Trojan Women. We get just snippets of other women connected to the Trojan War--Hector's mother and wife, Achille's slave-girls, even the goddesses who intervene on the side of the Spartans (Hera, Athena, Thetis). Maybe we don't get enough from them to draw any conclusions...

  • Roland's Wife. Hmm, all we know is she's the reason why Ganelon hates Roland so much and sets him up for the big fall. She's not even a character in the story, and she's still causing problems...

  • Chaucer's Angels. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) We already discussed last blog the various women Chaucer depicts in his Cantebury Tales. Each of them really represents a one-dimensional quality of women; taken together, maybe they give us a complete picture of what Chaucer thought of the women of his day. But, again, we are stuck looking through Chaucer's eyes. 

  • Dante's Angel. All we know of Beatrice in real life is that he loved her but was never really able to pull off a relationship with her. In the story, she is the one who sends Virgil to rescue him and join her in the Mount of Joy, Heaven. She serves as a beacon to him, although we never see her in the story, and in some ways is responsible for Dante's transformation (or, at least, his journey). 
We have quite a character to round out the list: the wealthy and wily Mona. This collection of women gives us quite a bit to discuss in terms of the role of women in society and marriage...

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CRITICAL QUESTIONS

1) Think about the questions from the seminar prep (p. 26-27 in the packet); what are the most important traits you (personally) look for in a significant other? As a follow up question, think back to the "Wife of Bath" interviews; what do you think causes relationships to succeed or fail? (Answer both.)

2) Think about the female figures we've encountered in the literature we've read thus far; which character do you relate with most? (Okay, fellas--you can answer this question also. Which character do you relate to; in other words, which one makes the most sense to you?) Is there a female character we've read that gives us a depiction of women that's actually close to reality? Specifically, what is your judgment of Mona?

3) Think about the following statements, and consider the response by the "experts." What do you think about these statements? What do you think about the expert opinions? Choose two statements to respond to:

a. Play Hard to Get
Sam Yagan, dating-website cofounder: Playing hard to get starts the relationship off on a deceptive foot. If you want your relationship to be based on trust, honesty, and communication, why would you begin it like that?

Greg Behrendt, coauthor of He’s Just Not That Into You: You shouldn’t play hard to get; you should be hard to get, because your life is so busy and fulfilling. My wife and I call it being a MOD―a moving object of desire.

b. Your Spouse Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend
Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you’re asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles.

Barbara De Angelis, personal-development expert: I disagree. If your spouse isn’t your best friend, then what is he? I think it’s important that you not only love him but like him a lot, too.

John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well―especially when you are having relationship difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

c. You Can Learn to Love Someone
Judy Kuriansky, sex therapist: That’s true, depending on how you define love. You may not have the love-at-first-sight kind of love, but the deep companion kind of love―in terms of trusting each other and being a team―can develop over time.

Behrendt: No, that sounds like settling. I don’t believe in settling, because it’s not fair to the person you’re with or yourself. It’s not like settling on an apartment you don’t love but can live with.


d. There Is Such a Thing As Love at First Sight
Ellen Wachtel, couples therapist: False. Often it takes time for love to develop. For some people, physical chemistry plays such a big role at the outset that it is mistaken for love.

Schwartz: It’s a romantic story when it works out, but you don’t hear about the relationships that end badly. Relationships start slow and build; they aren’t necessarily wonderful from the start.

Howard J. Markman, psychologist: You’ll quickly know if you’re attracted to each other, but not if you’re compatible or fit to stick together through tough times.

e.The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Through His Stomach
De Angelis: The way to a man’s heart is through his heart. Men want a woman who is going to be a great friend and companion―and if they have to order takeout, so be it!

Kuriansky: It’s true if he loves food, but that part about having to feed the needs of his heart is true, too. Still, don’t lose sight of your own needs. For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to feel pleased and fulfilled.

Gray: You’re off by about six inches. Sex is the direct way to a man’s heart.

Mr. Franklin, teacher extraordinaire: The way to a man's heart is through his rib-cage.

12 comments:

  1. #3
    Some controversial issues where opinions differ are topics like playing hard to get, there is such a thing as love at first site, you can learn to love someone, along with a few others. One topic is that your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend. One expert says that your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend because there is only a certain amount of titles your relationship fulfills. Another expert disagrees. I feel like your spouse should be your best friend because best friends are there for through everything, they can talk to you about anything, and you put all your trust in them, which is also what a spouse is. You not only have to love your spouse but you have to get along with them. It is just like if you love your aunt because she is family, but she isn’t very nice to you so you don’t like her. Your spouse is someone who you spend the rest of your life with, so you have to be able to get along with him or her just like best friends get along with each other. Another topic is that there is such a thing as love at first site. Experts say that this statement is false and I agree with them. It takes time for love to develop. Yes, when you first see someone, you may feel that attraction, but that is not love. You don’t enough about each other to love one another. Love develops when you get to know someone and truly know and care about your him or her.

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  2. Many people have many different opinions on ideas such as there being such a thing as love at first sight. Most experts say that love at first sight doesn't exist and that it takes time for a relationship to fully develop. I agree with them on this. One expert said that you may be attracted to someone at first sight but not in love with them. you may like their looks on the outside at first sight but once you get to know them, you may not necessarily like their personality. One therapist said that love takes time to develop and that some people take physical attractions as a mistake for love. This is true in my mind because like I said, you need to really know someone to love them. You need to know their good qualities and their bad qualities to know if you care about them and if you really want to fully love them. Another popular debate today is if playing hard to get works. One expert said that playing hard to get starts a relationship off, and another expert said that you shouldn't play hard to get, you should be hard to get. I think that playing hard to get could start a relationship off with a spark and give it some fun, but only for a little while. If you play hard to get for too long then your partner will lose interest and move on. It is fun and a good thing for a week or two but then you have to stop and let that person in and start a real relationship with them.

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  3. A famous music artist once said, "I've got a running stream of love you see. So no matter no what stages..they put us through, we'll never be blue." This quote to me really puts a simple input of what love is. People learn to love other people, and during that learning experience you actually grow as a couple and learn more and more about each other and also pick up the things that really make you happy. Sometimes you look at relationships as a teenager and say "oh look at those two, they're never going to make it as a couple" and later on it turns out that those two ended just fine. But what you forget to realize is that going into a relationship isn't in a ready, set, and go format, it's- I like you and you like me and lets do our best to keep it going. A relationship is a learning experience, you learn what makes you and your partner tick and what makes you love each other.

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  4. Question #3

    There are two things you usually here about relationships and dating. One of them being play hard to get, the other being your spouse should be your best friend. Everyone plays hard to get even if you realize it or not. Women play hard to get to see how far the man will go for her. Most women think that if the man really loves her then they will go the extra mile for them. Men on the other hand play hard to get because they are not interested in you, but they don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that. An expert Greg Behrendt says that you shouldn’t play hard to get but you should be hard to get. I disagree with this statement. If you are hard to get then you will set too high of standards and you will never be happy with someone because they are not your “perfect man/woman.” One controversial topic is “you spouse shouldn’t be your best friend.” One expert, Barbara De Angelis, says that that if your spouse isn’t your best friend then what is he? I disagree with what she is saying because if your spouse is your best friend then you will be so attached to this person. You will only go to this person with your problems. But say you and you spouse get into an argument, whom would you go to then? The expert John Gray thinks that your spouse can be your best friend but you should have other close friends too. I agree with this statement because it lets you have the best of both worlds. If you are having marriage problems then you can go to your close friends for help and advice. The same way you can talk to your husband/wife if you are having friendship problems.

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  5. People look for specific things in a significant other. For me, I look for a girl that I know I can get along with. If I was looking for my life partner, the first place I would look is my friends. To be able to say that you are going to live with someone the rest of your life and you’re going to enjoy every minute of it, you need to have a strong friendship. But I wouldn’t only look for a friend; I need someone that is a happy person that doesn’t go through life saying a bunch of negative stuff. By being with a joyful person, that puts me in a good mood and if we are both in positive moods and if we are good friends, then there would never be a relationship problem. The reason I think there are more relationship problems today is because people are not marrying people they are friends with. The people that some are marrying in today’s world are people that they can’t trust. The only way that you are going to live a healthy relationship with your spouse is if you are able to say that I love you deeply and I am able to put all my trust in you. Once you have done that, you are able to have a very successful and very healthy relationship.

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  6. I responded to question number 3 in the blog about love. I strongly agree with what Judy Kuriansky said that you grow towards loving each other, not just fall in love at first sight. This is a statement that is argued a lot in our lives. I think that love is more than just seeing a person without actually knowing them (love at first sight) You may be sexually attracted to somebody at first sight but not in love with them until you fully know them. You must know if you can live with that person and develop a real deep care for them to really love them. You may think that you love the person right when you see them, but they may be the complete opposite of what you want in a relationship, once you get to know them. In this case I do not believe in love at first sight. Ellen Wachel, a couple’s therapist, said that relationships take time to develop, and that physical chemistry is often mistaken for love. I agree with this statement because it takes so much more for a relationship to work than just being physically attracted to them. In my mind you really cannot love someone until you have developed a relationship where you cherish one another through time.

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  7. There are many different opinions about love like whether your spouse should be your best friend, if you can learn to love someone, or if there’s such thing as love at first sight. Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist stated that your spouse should not be your best friend while Barbara De Angelis believes that it is important for your spouse to be your best friend. I most agree with John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus who said that your spouse should be your best friend but you should also have other close friends. I believe that it’s important for your spouse to be one of your closest friends because in order for the relationship to work you must have an understanding with each other, trust, honesty, and common interests that you would find in a friend. However, it is also important to also have other close friends that you can rely on for advice for things like your relationship. Another belief about love is that you can learn to love someone. One expert’s opinion about this belief is that you can form a deep companion kind of love while another expert believes that this statement sounds as if you are just settling with a person. I think that in order to truly love someone you must first get to know them and form a trusting, compatible relationship that can only be developed over time. However, I think that you cannot just settle for someone and grow to love them. Some experts’ responses to love at first sight are that attraction can be quickly established but relationships start slow and build and that physical chemistry can be mistaken for love. My belief on love at first sight is that you must first have some type of attraction that initially catches your interest which distinguishes this relationship from an ordinary friendship but you can’t determine love right away. I think that both attraction and compatibility are equally important in forming a lasting, loving relationship.

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  8. For my blog entry I chose question 3. Personally I agree with Judy Kuriansky about you can learn to love someone, because you don’t just automatically love a person, love takes time you have to get to know the person an make sure the two of you share the same qualities. Gradually, as you get to know the person then you will fall in love with them. You cannot fall in love with a person at first sight; you may be physically attracted to the person, but that is completely different then loving a person. Friendship is always key to a good relationship, because before you begin to date a person you are usually friends. I believe many couples lack a quality friendship as their relationships go on, and that causes issues between couples. Couples need their spouse to be there for them to cheer them up, and be able to talk to. That’s why I also agree with John Gray, author, about how your spouse can be your best friend, but when you are having relationship difficulties you need a good friend to confide with. I think your spouse is your best friend, because like best friends couples should have the ability to talk about anything. That’s also why you need other good friends to talk to if your relationship is having problems, because those types of friends are there to help guide you through those tougher times.

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  9. People play hard to get for several reasons; to spice up the relationship, to see if the other has true feelings for them, or even because they don't want to be considered easy to get with or win over. Playing hard to get can be a good beginning game plan, but after a while, you need to make a decision of whether or not you want to be in the relationship because the other person may just become uninterested and move on. Some people think that your spouse shouhldn't be your best friend, such as Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist who says that you should be close to your spose, but not as close as best friends. I completely disagree with this statement; your spose should definitely be your best friend, but not your only best friend. You should be able to talk to your spouse about anything and everything and keep an open and honest relationship such as a best friendship. However, you should also have girl or guy friends you go to when you need space away from your spouse. If you can't be yourself around your spouse, then difficulties can arise.

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  10. Nicholas Kawaguchi Question #3
    Certain experts have said that your spouse should not be your best friend. Sociologist Pepper Schwartz agrees with this, saying that a marriage is already being asked to be confidential and truthful and it can only fulfill so many roles. I disagree with him because in my opinion, a spouse should be your best friend, but not your only good friend. If you are best friends with your spouse then it makes a stronger relationship, but if they are your only friend then you have noone else to talk to when your spouse is away or you are haveing marriage trouble. This leads me to Barbara De Angelis and John ray's opinions. They have the same opinions as me, which is your spouse should be your best friend but not your only friend. I agree with these two people. The second belief is there is such a thing as love at first sight. All three experts disagree with this, saying that you can both be attracted to each other but it is mistaken for love. You also wont know their personality, and if they will work out the difficult times with you, which plays a large role in love. I agree with these experts because I think you have to actually know the person before you can really love them. Personality is important and hasty decisions cannot be made by first impressions.

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  11. Love is something very rare to come along. Not everyone finds love in their lifetime. There is no exact defination of what love is. When looking for a significant other, some important traits to portray include honesty, humor, great personality. Honesty is needed because you must be able to trust your partner. Without trust you have stable foundation for your relationship to build upon. Humor is necessary because you should always have a good time and be able to laugh. You partner should bring you happiness. A great personality is extremely necessary. You should get along with your partner and have things in common. Some things that cause relationships to fail include jealousy, untruthful, and unfaithful. Adultry is commonly the reason most people end. Also when you can not trust your partner because they lie a lot. On the other hand, communication is key. When you have good communication you are on the road to success in love world. Attraction is also another reason relationships are successful. When you are attracted to someone you don't lose interest and want to be with the person. Love has many up and downs and like a roller coaster.

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  12. I did the question about weather or not your spouse should be your best friend. I read through what the experts on love said about their spouses and I was very stunned on what there opinions were. Although I did agree with John Gray who said that you should be best friends with your spouse but you should have other friends. I believe this because it wouldn’t be healthy if you were only friends with your spouse, you would get sick of him/her and eventually I believe that your relationship would end sooner if you just hanged out with your spouse. Also, I agree with Gray because he says if your having relationship issues you need somebody to talk to and if your spouse is your only friend then you will have no one to talk to and eventually I believe this will lead to breaking up due to you just blowing up and getting frustrated because you had nobody to talk it out with. My final thoughts are that your spouse should not be everything to you, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, have others that are there to help you through good and bad times.

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